timid

I've found myself stuck in the book of 2 Timothy this week. The whole letter not only leaves me encouraged, but it's also produced a growing curiousity into who Timothy was. A few years ago, a verse describing Timothy in Philippians spoke to me and it came to my mind as I was reading this book. Paul said about Timothy (in Phil. 2:20-22), "I have no one else like him, who will show genuine concern for your welfare. For everyone looks out for their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. But you know that Timothy has proved himself .." I find that very attractive.

So in this book, Paul is writing to Timothy rather than talking about him. And what I'm so drawn into is that almost immediately in this letter he says, "For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline."

I think I'm timid. But I say that without claiming to understand what exactly timidity is. What's the difference between being timid and "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit"(I Peter 3:4)? I'm wondering if by wanting the latter I've somehow put on the former. Then I think about Timothy. He was known for his sincere faith and came from a family that lived out this same faith (vs. 5). But Paul must have known something about him. Why else would he point out that timidity does not come from God? Why the reminder to fan his gifts into flame?

I mean, here's Timothy. The great apostle Paul says there is no one like him. He's grown up under faithful servants of God. Paul has laid his hands on him and he possesses gifts. It's not really a formula for insecurity, or is it? It's just that I can totally relate! There are days where 'insecurity' should be my middle name. Intimidated by my day before I even enter it. Afraid of upsetting things. Afraid of imposing on others. Afraid of being seen as arrogant or prideful. Afraid of the damage my flesh could do. Afraid of hurting someone or the worst ever, disappointing them. Fear. Fear. Fear.

As I typed that last 'Fear', it hit me that in some versions the word 'timid' is translated as 'fear'. No wonder I relate :) So how does one respond to all this? I wonder what went through Timothy's mind when he read those words. I wonder what his gifts were. What was he afraid of? What held him back? How did he respond?

I've grown too aware of the 'bigness' of God to not respond with a growing sense of boldness. Paul reminded Timothy that the Spirit of God gives us power, love, and self-discipline. He told him to fan those gifts of his into flame. It's like he's saying, "Don't forget who God is because who you are (or aren't) matters nothing in light of that. You possess Him, and therefore have nothing to fear. So be confident and embrace Him. Embrace those gifts." It's all about who God is, and that is why I find this book so encouraging.

As a bonus thought, when I re-read this verse, I keep stopping on the word 'power'. Not really sure why, but something in me attaches prayer to that word. I've had my thinking shifted to see prayer as the most powerful gift we have from God. So often I have entered prayer 'timidly', with a fear of offending God and a shyness in my requests (being careful that I not set Him up to fail me). But to enter prayer believing deeply in it's power - that changes things completely. One cannot be convinced of the power of prayer without being convinced of the One who is Power. Prayer is a bold proclamation of one's belief in God. And when in prayer I proclaim my belief in Him, shout praises, express gratitude, grieve over my sin and in dependence plead my desires, I feel His power. I think His Spirit of Prayer is pretty synonymous with a Spirit of Power. Or they atleast work so closely together that it's hard to distinguish one from the other.

So I'll end this by saying that I intend to continue to "reflect on what (Paul) is saying, for the Lord will give insight into all this." (2 Tim. 2:7)