shimmer

Yesterday was Friday. There's just something about that day that seems to give everyone an extra bit of energy. The highlight of my school day is 3rd period when I get 3 of my students at the same time. This class is particularly exciting on Fridays. If you could channel the energy in my room I think it might be enough to light up the whole city of Budapest. I love it. Yesterday did not disappoint. Friday excitement mixed with the "charades" type activity I had them doing was a lot of stimulation. At one point I found myself saying, "Ahhh! Guys, Simmer!!" Instead of conviction leading to quieter and calmer students, I was met with an uproar of laughter. (This wasn't too surprising, I'm told on a regular basis by this class that I'm a 'hilarious' person. Best part is, I don't even have to try.) I soon discovered that what was so funny was the word 'simmer', except that's not what they heard. My students heard the word 'shimmer'. For the rest of class I continued to hear, "Shimmer! hahaha Shimmer! gigglegiggle Everybody shimmer!"

This morning I found myself once again seeking to hear what God was saying to me. Through a rabbit trail of thoughts, I was led to the word 'wait'. This took me to Psalm 40:1 "I waited patiently for the Lord. He turned to me and heard my cry." I'm a little caught up in the phrase 'waited patiently'. I've been thinking how it's synonym could be 'simmer'. Sometimes life gets me uptight. So much could go wrong at any minute. So much is unresolved. So much coming at me. So many demands. My spirit resists tension, yet is never fully relieved from it's presence. At the same time, I have this growing attraction toward experiencing life. To be fully alive! I've always known that Christ offers me life, but how well do I live it? The growing knowledge of all that is wrong, the masses that are hurting, and the things needing to get done leaves me feeling as though fullness in living can't really be reached. What an awful thing to believe.

I love it that what my students heard me say was 'shimmer' because it so perfectly suites them. All 3 of them love and live life in a way I long to. Does waiting on the Lord mean I spend that time uptight and burdened by it all? Nope, something tells me that to wait patiently means not only to relax ... but also to live! Not in the future, but in the moment. Embracing His power to live in freedom. Shimmer is such a great word to describe this sort of living. It's attractive, captivating, appealing. It's drawing me in.

So where do I go wrong? What do I believe? If our Father calls us to life, do I really believe I can experience it? Do I believe that life in Christ trumps all the things that seek to pull me down? Is my belief a head knowledge, or the result of an encounter with a fully alive Savior?

Sometimes I find myself marveling at the relationship offered me. I mean, I'm in a relationship with the King of Kings! He's real. He really talks to me. His hand is literally on my life. It's all too big for me to wrap my mind around. But it's true. I believe and desperately desire Him to help me with my unbelief. Jesus really is enough. Enough power to overcome every obstacle. Enough joy to last every moment. Enough love to fulfill my deepest longings. Enough wisdom to orchestrate my days. Enough life to make me fully alive. More than enough!

I don't really have a conclusion to any of these thoughts. But that doesn't concern me too much. I don't know that they are the sort of thing needing to be 'concluded', rather they just need some living out. And, in His grace, this living out will change me - leaving me all the more alive.