lonely

It's been my experience that if you listen long enough, themes begin to emerge. It just hit me last week that right now the idea of 'loneliness' is one of them. I was writing a letter to a friend and found myself rambling about it. After I finished the letter my thoughts continued on the subject. So now that I'm a blogger and all, I thought this would be an appropriate place to express some of those thoughts.

What has drawn me to think deeper about loneliness is the realization that I've been hearing a lot of people express this feeling. Past conversations began popping up in my head, all sharing that loneliness was felt on a regular basis. I live in a very small, close-knit, missionary community, yet the truth is, most of those comments have been made within it. Furthermore, I feel pretty confident saying that those who haven't admitted such feelings to me would if I asked them. I can't personally deny them. I'm often lonely - longing for ... longing for ... what are we longing for??

It's my observation that many solutions are thrown out there when addressing this struggle. Most have to do with this idea of community. Small groups are formed. Filling social calendars is attempted. Homes are opened. But it doesn't seem to really work. The relief is only momentary. I mean, it's easy to understand why loneliness creeps in when we lack a "connected" social life, but I'm willing to argue that even in a deeply connected world, loneliness will still find you.

I hope I don't sound like I have issues with community because I'm actually a huge fan of it. Bonding is one of my favorite words and that takes community to pull off. All I'm getting at is that I don't think it's the answer. Here's what I found myself writing to my friend:

"It seems that the response is to figure out a way to either change ourselves or our circumstances in order to fix the problem. (I need to be more extroverted, I should get more involved in the community around me etc..) But then in other conversations we talk about how our deepest needs and longing can only be met in Christ. It's our message to the world around us that what they need is Jesus and they won't be satisfied with anything else. But are we, His children, satisfied? Have we experienced the sufficiency of Christ? Or do we still strive to meet our own needs? Frustrated that no matter how many church fellowships we join, we still feel lonely? I'm growing convinced that loneliness (in it's most raw form) is a longing to know Christ. It's our soul crying out to be restored to an authentic relationship with it's Creator. We are certainly called to be in community; God's Word is thick with a call to unity. But I wonder if we approach community as a needed step to get rid of that nagging lonely feeling; rather than entering community satisfied in Jesus - eager to know Him more as He reveals Himself through His body as a whole."

We got one thing right. Loneliness is a longing for relationship. But am I so foolish as to think there is an individual or community out there that can fill that? The problem is just too deep for that solution. In fact, I think it's so deep that only the Creator can touch it. But how cool is that? Our Creator wants us so much that He made us miserable outside of Himself. He gave us reason to long for Him, reason to seek Him, reason to worship Him. And He personally meets our longings, allows us to find Him, and accepts our worship.

Part of me experiences deep satisfaction in my Savior when I think about that and part of me feels trapped in my flesh. I think it's the difference between the act of being restored vs. fully restored. But I have hope. Someday He's coming again. Someday I'll be home. As for now, He is near.