this moment

I've been dining at the Master's table and have bit into something rich. So rich that I feel hesitant to write about it - can words describe this? And even if they can, will I be able to find them? I took one bite of this and my eyes got huge; I swallowed and my mouth watered for more. I ate more and began feeling it move through me. Why did it take me so long to take a bite? Will I remember to keep eating? Daily consuming this life-sustainer?

I bit into gratitude. The flavor caught me by surprise and I found myself waking up to a strong undercurrent of discontentment deep inside me. I saw myself for who I was, a little girl sitting at His table full of so many complaints - expressing my disapproval of all that is wrong in life. He'd been inviting me into gratitude for awhile, but I couldn't understand it. How is it possible? I mean, gratitude comes when I see the beauty, not while I'm waiting for it, right? I don't know why He took the time to feed me instead of sending me away from the table for such self-consuming thoughts, but He did and I can't stop savoring His words ... "Life change will come when you receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change."

It took me a few days to swallow those words - I'm not really sure why, maybe it's an acquired taste. But now that I've feasted on it, I can hardly believe that this is really mine to eat. Gratitude is this powerful companion that draws me into every moment. Fully present in this very moment. Fully present to the Creator of the moment - gazing at Him in delight and asking for nothing to change.

Discontentment blinded me. I couldn't see this before. I couldn't see that it is all a gift - all of it! This moment. A gift. And don't gifts make you want to say thank you? Especially when you realize the goodness from which they come? Andrew Peterson's new lyrics grabbed me this week: "Don't you want to thank someone? Don't you want to thank someone for this?" ... Yes! Yes, I do!

I came home the other night a little lost in all these thoughts and found myself glancing up at the stars. Never been able to look up without pausing ... so as I stood there staring at the vastness of it all I heard Him whisper to me, "No one thanked me tonight for bringing out the stars." My heart hurt in that moment and I felt the sin of my ingratitude weigh heavy on me. No one looked up and said thank you? What were we all doing? ... Then I felt it. Gratitude.

Gratitude is the eyes of a believing heart. A heart that believes in the beauty, goodness, and sovereignty of the Redeemer. Eyes that take in the moment, receiving it as a gift, delighted. A heart that can't stop saying "thank you, thank you, thank you" for each surprise that is given because it feels the goodness of the One who has written it all.

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good" -Ps. 34:8