I'm in an uncomfortable, yet pretty familiar place right now. It's that high demand, fast pace, lots coming at me, low energy, busy, slightly chaotic place. I don't do very well there. I've actually grown to realize that 'busy' is when I'm most lonely. I get a lot done, but I'm robbed of being able to sit down and connect with others in the process. And, as painful as it is to admit, that includes Jesus. Doing a lot makes me tired, being tired shuts me down, and somewhere in there I begin to feel too tired to be alert to His presence. That bothers me ... a lot.
I've learned that finishing my to-do list is not the 'cure' to this dilemma - rather, it's stillness, stopping, looking at Him. So today I stopped, sat down in front of our fat little Christmas tree, and entered into conversation with my Savior. We talked for a long time and His words to me were full of truth. He shed a lot of light into the dark corners of my heart. Affirming, but also re-defining false perspectives I have clung to. Then suddenly and intentionally, He paused from the topic. And He began to express and assure me of His love. I stopped writing and closed my eyes to concentrate. As soon as I did that, my mind went back to this summer when I was in Bled for a conference. On the hour there the church bells would ring. There was something about them that captured my attention. I never could articulate it, but hearing them touched something deep inside me and I loved listening to them. So today, as that memory washed over me, I began to journal ... "When I closed my eyes I thought I could hear bells - like the one's in Bled. There was something sacre..." Before I could finish writing the word 'sacred', the church bells here in Diosd began to go off. After feeling a little shocked and amused by the irony, I continued the conversation ...
"I feel Your presence. I hear your voice. You put the bells in my mind then rang them into reality. You are truth. There is confirmation sinking into my soul with each vibrating ring. In the bells I can hear you say, 'I am real, I am here, I am with you, that makes all the difference.' Please keep ringing the bells. Ring the bells of confirmation, the bells that echo Your will. Bells of your nearness. Bells that invite us into Your midst."
Living unaware of Emmanuel (God with us), just doesn't feel like living to me. The bells are waking me up. Their pleasant ring and gentle echo feel like an invitation. God is with us. He is real. We are His. And He is in our midst. The bells are ringing ...
